I’m Sorry (part one)

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  1. kensingtonparking2.jpg I’m sorry about the car.
  2. I’m sorry that we Americans don’t apologize often enough when there’s so much for which to be sorry.
  3. I’m sorry for suggesting that all I have to do is say I’m sorry, and that everything will be all right.
  4. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you I was American when we first met even though it was as obvious as the Ohio plates on my SUV that I parked in the middle of the bike lane.
  5. I’m sorry for giggling when you corrected my pronunciation of the capital of Saskatchewan.
  6. I’m sorry for having tried to pass as one of you by describing the proe-cess that I employ in the implementation of my proe-jects when in reality my life is full of incomplete prahjects for which I have yet to prahcess.
  7. I’m sorry that Dick Cheney remains in office.
  8. I’m sorry I’m not back home working to impeach him.
  9. I’m sorry about W, too.
  10. I’m sorry for the litres and litres of petrol I burn every time I come to visit you.
  11. I’m sorry for faking my way through the metric system.
  12. I’m sorry that I’m so ignorant of your political affairs even though you know more than I do about my own.
  13. I’m sorry for making fun of the dancer in the middle of the the drum circle at Trinity Bellwood  who, lost in her ecstasy, brushed my elbow, then stopped to say “Sorry.”
  14. I’m sorry that we don’t tidy up our side of the Ambassador Bridge.
  15. I’m sorry for confusing you with my audacious belief that I have been endowed by my creator with unalienable rights including my own pursuit of happiness which also includes my intention to escape the United States and become one of you.
  16. I’m sorry for snatching up the last copy of Spacing magazine at the Toronto Free Gallery when neither were intended for visiting American audiences.
  17. No offence, but I’m sorry for the vigor of my monolog over the check at the Harborfront Center Theater while wearing pajamas of unsavory fiber and color and my lack of rigor and labor.
  18. I’m sorry for all the American things I say and do of which I am not aware.
  19. I’m sorry for laughing at the extra moustaches spray-painted on your  environmental scientist and broadcast celebrity’s energy saving light bulb billboard.
  20. I’m sorry, but I don’t think we even have any broadcast celebrities  who are environmental scientists.
  21. I’m sorry that I don’t always understand the depth of your irony even though I pretend that I do.
  22. I’m sorry that I can’t muster the attention span to finish anything written by John Ralston Saul.
  23. I’m sorry that I claim to understand what “the medium is the message” means.
  24. I’m sorry that it took this to make me want to read any Pierre Berton.
  25. Je suis désolée that I never learned to speak French.
  26. I’m sorry what some of us say about all of you.
  27. I’m sorry about the flags.
  28. I’m sorry about the eagles.
  29. I’m sorry about the Eagles.
  30. I’m sorry about Walmart, McDonalds, Home Depot, Microsoft, and Starbucks.
  31. I’m sorry about Facebook.
  32. I’m sorry that we don’t take better care of the United Nations headquarters building.
  33. I’m sorry about Cuba.
  34. I’m sorry about Vietnam.
  35. I’m sorry about Iraq.
  36. I’m sorry that Joni Mitchell didn’t get to make it to Woodstock on time.
  37. I’m sorry that we stole Neil Young, but we really need him to lead us in a few songs  right now.